stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Randomize
