I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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