I bet he comes in French.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize