Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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