you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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