Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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