My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
