yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize