Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
