so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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