What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
this is an emotional support booty call
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
