We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize