I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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