I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
