I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
