Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
