every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
