Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
