im about as happy as oj after his trial
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You took a bar mat shot.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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