Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't put those talents on a resume
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
