she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
