omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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