Well douche your snatch and let's go!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
