end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize