yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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