Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
