dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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