she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
