I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
