WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
