my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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