Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
