You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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