wrigley field is MILF paradise
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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