Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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