He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
