My room smells like vodka and shame
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
