look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
