Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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