so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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