These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
