You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize