Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
it hurts more in the daytime
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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