I hate all girls vehemently.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
