wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i need some magic done to my vagina
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
