So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
