Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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