this beer tastes like vomit already
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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