...so i touched it.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Someone came in the potted fern
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
