i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
