it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
