Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
