i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
