Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
