Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
