she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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