dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
