John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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