I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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