I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
