Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
