are you still at the devil's house?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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